On Naming One’s Genitals

A combination of child-induced sleeplessness and dentistry-induced infection has been sucking the creativity out of me fairly effectively for the last week and a half. I’ve given up the idea of a proper post for now (I toyed with a video entry, figuring it’d be easier to just ramble out my ideas instead of crafting them into grammatical sentences, but it turns out I’m too run down to form coherent speech either). Instead, an insight into my writing process.

…not even worthy of a pull quote.

I’m not one for giving pet names to my undercarriage, but, having just re-watched Tremors, if I ever did need to name my testicles, “Val and Earl” would be top of the list. Of course, the problem with that is that I’d have to continue the theme when naming my penis, and the only real possibilities would be “Stumpy” or “Rhonda”.

And that’s how most of what I write starts out – a punchline in search of a setup. Normally I manage to build a post out around one such a nugget, or cobble a few together if I can find a connection between them, but at the moment that just feels like too much work. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve sat in front of Evernote lately, trying to work a few notes into a full-length post, only to have my brain actively recoil at the suggestion. So this is all you get for now – not even worthy of a pull quote. Back once the antibiotics have run their course.


6 thoughts on “On Naming One’s Genitals

    1. Josh

      Well, I can’t stop them, so I guess it’s practically unavoidable. If you’re short on ideas, I’d recommend the title of any Dolph Lundgren movie.

  1. Johnny Red

    It’s a toss-up between “Command Performance” and “I Come in Peace”.

    Special mention to “The Expendables”.

      1. Johnny Red

        Far, far too obvious.

        I also liked “Hidden Agenda”, but I’m not sure junk can have a hidden agenda.

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