The Worst Thing You’ll See All Day

Here’s how it went: First I started playing The Last of Us. Then I kept playing it to the exclusion of all other activities because how can you fucking not? “This’ll make for a good review once I’m done,” I thought to myself, followed shortly by “FUCK, IT’S GOT ME! SHIV IT! SHIV IT RIGHT IN ITS FUCKING NECK!!”. Then I finished The Last of Us, and now I think I have PTSD. A long in-drawn breath will be required before I start writing about it in earnest – what I need right now is a distraction. And the universe provides.

…apocalyptically wrong…

I was browsing through cheap DVDs today and read, on the back of one of them, this (those of a nervous disposition may want to look away):

Rocketman_back

“Blast off for outrageously funny space travel in this screwball comedy that spins wildly out of control all the way to Mars. Though he’s a whiz with computers, accident-prone astro-nut Fred Randall (comedian Harland Williams – Dumb and Dumber) is the last guy on Earth you’d want on the first manned mission to Mars. But as bad luck and poor timing would have it, that’s exactly what happens, and Fred undergoes rigorous, if not hilarious, training at NASA. After that it’s t-minus a reality check as Fred blasts off with the rest of the Space Shuttle crew: a cocky, no-nonsense commander, a sexy Mission Specialist and a mischievous space chimp named Ulysses. From the dizzying pre-flight foolishness to the even loonier landing, ROCKETMAN is the out-of-this-world hit comedy that’s more than good for launch…it’s go for laughs!”

The only thing not apocalyptically wrong with that is the phrase “mischievous space chimp” (and, if you read the credits below, the presence of William Sadler). I can only assume it doubled as the suicide note of whoever wrote it, presumably with “astro-nut” underlined in his or her own blood.

As you were.

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