Movie Review: Catching Fire

In which Josh’s attention wanders.

I’ve mentioned before that I’m not a big reader – I gather this isn’t generally considered something to be proud of, but it does provide a good level of inoculation against whatever teen-lit craze is currently blighting the imaginations of the world’s youth. Frankly, if a series is good enough, it’ll get a movie adaptation* and I can watch that. So, The Hunger Games – I once heard that the series’ author named the two leads Katniss and Peeta so that if fans tried to manufacture one of those annoying “Brangelina”-style name combinations, they’d have to go with “Peeniss”. I don’t know if that’s actually true, but even the possibility is enough to dispose me favourably towards the series. Besides, the wife’s a fan and the first film was a larf, so off to Catching Fire we went.

punch feminism right in the dick.

As far as films go, it was one. Not even a bad one – my biggest worry with it was that fact that, when they get attacked by killer baboons (they get attacked by killer baboons) and the film does a big jump scare by having one leap out and roar in Josh Hutcherson’s face and everyone else in the theatre craps themselves, I didn’t fucking blink. And that’s weird – normally I’m a jumper. Have I finally watched enough movies to become completely desensitised to their tropes? Am I so goddamn tired that I’m no longer capable of extreme reactions? Do I not have a soul? Probably the soul one.

Anyway, I honestly can’t think of much to write about the film itself, especially since The Onion’s review has already said all that needs to be said:

(I do have to take issue with it on one point, though: Josh Hutcherson is worthy of much higher consideration since he starred in Detention, the Best Movie Ever Made.)

More interesting were the ads we were subjected to beforehand. First there were trailers for all the upcoming teen-lit adaptations – the “autistic kid learns to play Starcraft” one, the “teenagers are colour coded for the good of everyone” one, and the VAMPIRES MORE VAMPIRES FUCKING FUCKING VAMPIRES one. And then we got to watch the Nerf Rebelle ad punch feminism right in the dick:

Good news, ladies! Because the girl in the Hunger Games uses a bow, bows are acceptable girl toys now! Nerf bows in vagina-friendly shades of purple and near-pink that coordinate with your lifestyle while you exercise your “stylish skills” and be fierce and independent and whatever else you skirts are into! You can’t have Nerf guns, obviously – we all know your ovaries would detonate if you actually touched one of those – but now you can run through the woods, playing at being powerful, feisty action heroines:

“I’m Katniss Everdeen!”
“I’m also Katniss!”
“Me too! There’s literally no other role model available to me in this context!”

Nerf Rebelle! We spell “rebel” differently, because females are inherently other!

Maybe if Catching Fire does well, the popularity of Johanna the Hot Psycho Axe Chick will make axes heteronormatively kosher, too. So that’s progress.

*Counterpoint: Twilight and everything to do with it.


2 thoughts on “Movie Review: Catching Fire

  1. Ewan

    Josh – I love you deeply man because you use the England good to make me think-feel.

    BTW – Detention looks awesome – definitely hunting it down. Or maybe I should let the nearest Girl hunt it down for me with her Nerf Rebelle. Faaaaaaarrrrrk.

  2. Apathy Jack

    My kid’s favourite character in the Batman team-up show was Green Arrow, which made him want a bow and arrow. I looked for a nerf version, but couldn’t find one. Then the Avengers came out, where Hawkeye was the hands-down favourite, which made the boy really, really want a bow and arrow. Again,I looked unsuccessfully for a nerf version. Imagine how happy I was when the ad came out for the rebelle: “Hey girls! Now there is something for you! Girls! Only girls! Also faggots! Girls and faggots can use the nerf rebelle! Now go bowandarrow us some fucking eggs!”

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